Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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