and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
