My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
