when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
