i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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