I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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