Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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