I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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