Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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