I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
