is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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