i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
