another moral hangover. fuck.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
