I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
