Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
