Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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