You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my shit smells like andre
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
