She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
