i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
FUCK WHALES
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
