i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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