My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize