At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
