But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize