WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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