I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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