dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
