i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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