I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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