Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
