Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
