I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
