This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The best revenge is premature balding
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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