Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
