You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
