she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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