I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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