Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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