I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
