Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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