um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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