next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
