Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
