some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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