I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
