You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
