I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
