My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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