I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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