You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's always time for handjobs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
