well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
