Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize