Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
