Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
