1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
