Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
