i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
