I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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