Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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