We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How does it feel to date your dad?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
