Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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